Who is Wendy Willowbank?

Well…in her own words here she is:

 

My full name is Wendy Scheherezade Willowbank.

(Don’t ask!  In some ways, my businesswoman mother is seriously odd.)

“I’m nothing special, in fact I’m a bit of a bore.” 

That old Abba song fits me like a cardigan. 

“If I tell a joke, you’ve probably heard it before..” 

And you would have -if I’d ever knowingly told a joke.  

“But I have a talent, a wonderful thing: everyone listens when I start to sing...” 

And that’s where it goes completely off-beam, because if I start to sing people leave the room.  I have the singing voice of a crow.

I am a self-declared bore!   I can’t think myself into light conversations.  I cannot master the easy smile.  I cannot wriggle my suety self into any sort of relaxed, open body language.  The ability to seem interested in social noodling eludes me.  None of that might matter so much if I didn’t also have small, close-together eyes, a pointy nose, pasty white skin, a thick waist and chunky thighs. 

Not obese!  Just chunky.  And frizzy hair -that’s the final bloody kick in the teeth, innit? (I’ve got nice teeth! straight, well taken-care-of). 

Frizzy hair that grows and fills out until it resembles a large, discarded gob of wire wool.  It’s dark brown in colour. 

“Chestnut” I call it, mining a thin seam of positive attributes.

At the time of my “Sally Gwenarby” adventure… 

Rightly, I ought to call it my “Hazel Bayleaf” adventure really, as she’s the real true friend life long friend I got out of it,  while Sally was..

I think I’ll struggle to say what Sally was, and what she was to me.  I could start with something about her being the most physically intense, out-of-body sexual experience I have ever had or will ever have. 

Where was I?   

Oh yeah.  At the time of my Sally/Hazel adventure I was 30 years old.  Having lacked girl friends at a crucial stage I never developed the shopping and style habit, so I tend to wear jeans, sweaters and flat shoes: I dress defensively.  I’ve been getting into smocks recently -they have good pockets!  

I am a very good geologist.  I love rocks.   I have few friends and no love life.

Probably those three facts are connected.